Sailor Moon Spoof!
by Paul Shkreli
Summary: What happens when your future husband decides to "flip sides", your future daughter is disrespectful AND disappearing, and your sitting there talking to the enemy in a all out laugh fest making fun of the dubbed "Sailor Moon"


Disclaimer: This is one of my older writings. I just thought you people might wanna see what would be my first radio play, but I decided not to. This is very raunchy, and you might not like it. Albeit it makes fun of minorities, it is not meant as racist or prejudice at all. Just to give us ALL some laughs. Do not be offended. If you are, do not read on. Also, Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko! I love her!  
  
  
:: A mix of the American and Japanese intro, with a drunk man singing some lyrics::   
  
Serena: Man, I can't stand not being able to take credit for being Sailor Moon. Nobody recognizes me and says " You look like Sailor Moon!"   
  
Mina: I know what you mean- nobody realizes Sailor V and Sailor Venus are the same person. now, everbody doesnt give Jedites' behind who Sailor Venus is, it's always Sailor Moon!   
  
Kaolinite: You shouldnt be complaining! At least people mention you guys once in a while.... I get no credit !  
  
Rei: I think it's because your a bad guy......   
  
Ami: And you aren't very good at being a bad guy, also!   
  
Kaolinite: Just yell at the evil person, why not?   
  
Lita: She is right, cut her some slack. She just tried to kill us once or twice.......   
  
Kaolinte: Where is Mamo-ch.... I mean, Darien!?   
  
Serena: MY boyfriend should be here shortly!   
  
:: Daimon Music Starts Playing::   
  
Kaolinite: Wait! There isn't anything to get into, you dumbass Daimon! Stop it!   
  
Chibiusa: No authority, Kaolinite......   
  
:: smooching outside ::   
  
Serena: What is that noise?  
  
Chibiusa: Get up and check, you lazy bitch!  
  
Ami: That is no way to talk to your future.....   
  
Chibusa: Ditz?   
  
:: Serena gets up, opens screen door::   
  
Darien: Smooch......Oh, Zoicite!   
  
Zoicite: You are such a strong man!   
  
Darien: You are too!   
  
Serena: Darien! Why are you kissing her!   
  
Darien: Usako........err....Serena, this is a he. It's not my fault some people can't move on from cheap DiC dubs!   
  
Chibusa: Hey! That was a good dub!   
  
Darien: Yea, right! Well, Zoicite is a man, and I am attracted to him!   
  
Lita: And everybody thought I was the one who was going to start batting for the other side!   
  
Mina: Lita- don't start stealing lines from Fandubs!   
  
Lita: Sorry! But, Zoicite, what about Kunzite?  
  
Zoicite: He ran off with Jedite.......   
  
Lita: I am so sorry!  
  
Kaolinite: Have a tissue, you poor thing. Don't you hate men?  
  
:: Blowing Nose sound::  
  
Zoicite: Yes.....they are evil! But, my Darien made me feel better!  
  
Serena: That is MY Darien!  
  
Darien: Serena- you need to get over the fact that we are no longer a couple.   
  
Luna: What made this change?  
  
Artemis: Something big must have happened!  
  
Darien: It did. Remember Fiore? Well, I started searching for more of my past after that movie with him, and well, I searched somewhere I never looked before.....   
  
Artemis: His Soul?  
  
Luna: No, his Heart?  
  
Darien: No- I searched inside my closet, and found out I was gay!  
  
Kaolinite: Wow, we Death Bust.....err.... Heart Snatchers have never attacked a homosexual before.......  
  
Lita: Actually, you probably did, but Optimium Productions failed to mention it...  
  
Rei: They failed to mention lots of things......   
  
Zoicite: Don't go after Darien! If you want to go after Homosexuals, go after the people at Save Our Sailors! They support people who change men into women!  
  
Ami: That is right.....  
  
Serena: Well, why are we telling Kaolinte to steal hearts from anybody?  
  
Mina: Because we want SOS dead!   
  
Chibiusa: Actually, the Deat.... Heart Snatchers did steal hearts from 2 homosexuals..... Haruka and Michiru!   
  
Kaolinte: Amara and Michelle? They aren't lovers- they are cousins, who just happen to live each other and hold each others hand....   
  
Chibiusa: I think Optimum Productions were trying to get American people to think Amara and Michelle were interested in Incest.. I mean, look at how they act with each other!  
  
Serena: Yup! If you are going to make them cousins, than edit out scenes of hand motions that cound be found in the episodes where Amara and Michelle are robbed of their pure heart crystals!  
  
Kaolinte: Enough! I am going after Darien! His pure heart is mine!   
  
Lita: This might be a gay sterotype, but......  
  
Mina: Youuuuu would know alot about those, wouldnt you, Lita?  
  
Lita: What does that mean?  
  
Mina: Nothing.....  
  
Lita: Your Sailor B! AS IN SAILOR BITCH!   
  
Mina: Your Sailor D! AS IN SAILOR DIKE!  
  
Rei: Enough! Stop fighting. Kaolinite is going after Darien!  
  
Kaolinite: Damn! Where is that music know? It should start playing!  
  
:: the sound of sucking is going on::  
  
Serena: Darien! If you and Zoicite are going to do such a thing, do it somewhere else!  
  
Darien: Do what? We aren't doing anything!  
  
Serena: What is that sucking noise? Oh, it's just the Daimon egg going inside the table!   
  
Chibiusa: What? Whats happening? I'm starting to disappear!  
  
Luna: Thats because your father has just decided he swings the wrong way, so that means he and Serena never.......  
  
Chibiusa: Wait! We can't say these things! We don't want this too badly censored up!  
  
Artemis: This is already in english, and we haven't been too clean up to right now.....  
  
Luna: Darien! Chibiusa will die if you don't become straight!  
  
Darien: Good! I always hated that bitch! She is hitting on me, and I am her father!  
  
Chibiusa: WHAT! FINE- I dont care if you are gay, Darien. I'll kick your butt before I disappear! Moon.... Prisim Power....Make Up!  
  
Kaolinite: The Daimon is starting to form!  
  
Rei: You know what that means, girls!  
  
Mina: Right!  
  
Rei: Mars Star Power!  
  
Mina: Venus Star Power Make up!  
  
Ami: Mercury Star Power.... Make?  
  
Lita: Jupiter Star Power....... Up?  
  
Serena: Moon Cosmic Power......Maaak....Up!  
  
Scouts: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Scouts are here to kick some serious butt!  
  
HardKnockWood: Hahaha- I am HardKnockWood, and I am here for your... hard....... errrr..... heart, Darien and Zoicite!  
  
Darien: No! You cant steal the hearts of young lovers!  
  
H.K.W: I will! Your hearts are mine!  
  
:: Sucking Sounds::  
  
Darien/ Zoicite: ahhhhhh! Nooooo!!!  
  
Sailor Moon: Lets go!  
  
Mercury: Mercury, Soapy Bubbles.... Blast!  
  
Mars: Burning.....Fire.... Surrond!  
  
Jupiter: Sparkling Wide Clap Zap!  
  
Venus: Venus... Love... Me.... chain...encircle!  
  
Chibi Moon: Moldy Sugar....Heart Attack!  
  
Kaolinite: AHAHAH- Bishoujo Scouts.. your attacks are useless against H.K.W. Nothing can stop him!  
  
Sailor Moon: I can! Moon....Spiral....Heart......Burn!   
  
H.K.W.: Lovely!  
  
Kaolinite: I will get you one day, Sailor Scouts!  
  
Serena: Are you alright, Darien?  
  
Darien: Yes, I am. Now, I have to leave with my hunney, Zoicite. We will be back, and will take over the world to serve Emperor Metallica.. .... I mean...... The Negative Purse!   
  
Chibiusa: I am disappearing!  
  
Serena: Chibiusa!  
  
Luna: We need to get her back!  
  
Artemis: How?  
  
Rei: I can consult the great fireplace and ask what to do!  
  
Serena: Let's do that! Also, lets try to find a way to get Darien back again!  
  
Lita: Why don't you let him be?  
  
Serena: Because if we ends up being gay.... all those hentai fanfics about use will be gone!   
  
Artemis: I knew you had more than one reason for being on the internet alot, because you don't like to study!   
  
Rei: Shut Up! Let's go into the conveniently placed fireplace room, which is only one door away, and let me consult the great fire!   



End file.
